Get Off My Case, Then Get Back On It.

Why am I so intrigued with my play counts? Say (All I Need) is leading the pack with 13.

I have canvases. I have paint. I want to paint. I want to make t-shirts again. I have a video camera; I want to make some movies. I want to make a comic book. I want to write one of my stories. I want to make music and finish an album. Realistically, I want to finish something. ANYTHING. Instead, I have books to read. Not the ones I want to read. The ones I have to read.

I want to die. Realistically, I want to run away. Somewhere far away. I want to stop going to school. I want to just work enough to support myself, and then do the things that I enjoy.

I need some achievable goals. I need to stop dreaming and start existing. I need something concrete to believe in again. I am still broken inside and at a lose for life.

I am lost, but I know where I'm going. I know where I will end up.

I am so damn sick of cover songs.

Somebody threaten my existence and force me back to work. I have the talent to be so much better then them, I just need more motivation.

18 spaces for 18 years of this garbage. Going on 19 soon.

I want piano lessons. And a piano. And a drum set.


The Other Guy said...

Choose one thing

and do it.

when you have time... as a break, kinda thing.

rachel said...

jon... take a year off. get a job, learn piano, and paint.

and paint me a t-shirt, still. and i will paint you one back. and we will be a tshirt painting team, and wear each others tshirts.

and after your year off.... i'm not even gonna say it, i know you'll hate me even more for saying it again.

rachel said...

i still haven't gotten to use my oil paints yet.

rachel said...

or here's another plan (yes, i'm saying the plan after all, which you'll hate me for :D)
apply for art fundamentals at sheridan (because i know you'll say you dont have a portfolio to apply to anything else, and you dont need a portfolio for that) because you still have time! til the end of january! and then you do that for a year, get a portfolio, and do.. something artish of your choosing. and we will live in oakville together and love life and do art, and i will teach you piano with my crappy teaching skills and an old keyboard. YES!

Jonathan said...

i think the choosing one thing would work. But it sounds like rachels got it all planned out for ye,

i like the 2.5 bit. thats good.

rachel said...

pfft, 2.5.
my blog has been 2.0 from the start, you saying jonathans more advanced than me? pfft, i say.