11.28.2006

A First Attempt At Something Serious

So...its about 1:30 in the morning, and I am not sleeping. This used to be strange for me, but now it is the norm. Technically, I still have work in two classes to do before I can go to sleep with a clean conscience, but I doubt I will actually do it now...

Lately I've been feeling really out of place, like I'm the puzzle piece you find from that puzzle you threw away years ago because you lost that one piece. Or, when I think about it, I feel more like an orphan, except with peers instead of family. Yeah, I like that second analogy better. It seems every moment of my time is spent working, be it work work or school work. I haven't had free time in what must be two months now, and it is severely affecting my social life (not to mention my mental health). Meanwhile, while I dig myself deeper and deeper into a hole, all my friends spend their days hanging out, going to movies, sleeping in, coasting through class, basically having nothing but good times and great memories. And the more this happens, the more isolated I find myself.

But what am I supposed to do? Do I do the work and (maybe) get a half decent future, but give up completely on having any fun in grade 12? Or do I have the time of my life, and doom myself to a pointless existence. That, in my mind, would be the worst of fates. But this fate I'm living right now isn't that great either.

Now it is almost 1:45... I certainly do take a long time to write these things. I'm still not tired, but I know I'll hate myself tomorrow for this.

I don't like this "serious" me. But I don't entirely like the "other" me either. I'll come back to that some other time...

12 comments:

tarajoy said...

i wish i could stay up that late every night and have it not hurt me the next day. cause the night time is the best time (which makes the fall back in time pleasure-ful).

sounds like your ill-do-everything-i-possibly-can-this-year idea has holes.

15 minutes for this? thats faster than me.;)

dont worry, your 'serious' isnt out of place. ha. but i wont get into the serious/joker discussion here, cause we've already had it.

Fedd-X said...

Maybe, but the everythings that I'm doing are actually the only fun parts in my life right now. So the only hole in my ultimate plan seems to be that I am not doing enough! Time to start the sports teams! And the knitting club! And the .... other things!!!

Barbara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tarajoy said...

haha. knitting club rocks.
o jon, maybe what you need is something /outside/ of school;). otherwise you'll be your very own death! (if that makes sense...hehe)

andy said...

like a job?

Fedd-X said...

nope, jobs are definetly not the answer. especially ones like mine, where the better you are at worker, the more they abuse their powers over you.

maybe I should join a travelling circus?

tarajoy said...

i met a clown once while i was riding my unicycle and he asked me if i wanted to be in the circus.

John said...

did you say yes?

tarajoy said...

ha no john. thats why im still in school;)

John said...

maybe you're a clown after school. a secret identity. crazy clown.

tarajoy said...

suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure. darn, you caught me.

John said...

ha! i knew it.