2.10.2009

Well ... Hell

I dont know what to think anymore about my current situation. At first I thought having only one class and a play to work at this semester would be great. Of course, I was also expecting to get a job to fill the open void of space, and that just panned out spectacularly. So then I thought I could spend my free hours working on creative things...

I just can't understand where all my time goes. So far as I can tell, I really DONT spend that much time being lazy or unproductive or distracted. But take today for instance. I have nothing scheduled today except for a vocal rehearsal later tonight, yet I still managed to get out of bed by about 9. I was at the gym by about 10, got home by about noon. Then all I did was take a shower, make some lunch, update all my internet stuff (given, there was a little youtubing involved...) and then do my spanish homework for tomorrow. Now I have about two hours before I have to be back at school for rehearsal. And I want to do something creative, but at the same time I know I also have to make myself some sort of dinner, otherwise I won't eat until muuuch later tonight...

I thought things were bad for my creative self when I had a full courseload to do, but turns out it's just as bad now that I'm free. I have become far too attached to being lazy and unproductive, I've forgotten the person I used to be. I'm going home for reading week three days early this year. To work. A part of me knows this is good: i'll make money and get more active and blah blah blah. A bigger part of me doesnt want to go home at all, it just wants to stay here in guelph and veg, catch up on lost sleep, maybe hang out with the friends i never make time for, actually have a bit of a vacation. But then again, as everyone else would tell me, my whole friggin' semester is one big vacation...

Then how come I'm not having any fun?

PS: I was asked to write another "deep" post, but it is just as clear to me now as it was before that my mind only connects "deep" with "depressing". So I dunno if i'll do this again. The spanish titled posts were good...

Thoughts?

6 comments:

rachel said...

i think you need to work on connecting deep with upbeat. but keep posting. you already know my opinion.

dan said...

you should watch Spaced

jonathan//garret said...

are you saying that because I would somehow find a meaning for my own life through the lives of the Simon Pegg and friends? or just because I have the time to do it right now?

dan said...

uhhh. lets say both

dried said...

I have the same thing with laziness, oh man. got home from practice, spent like an hour just catching up on internet stuff -- I must've visited facebook like five times thinking it'd change somehow. it didn't. dammit, but the screen is so bright and shiny...

must control... own... brain....

Madeleine said...

I had the same problem last year when I was at home with no school or job for 4 months. Best to fight it before it really really gets hold, and youtube becomes your best friend. I fully regret that time. It had a profoundly crappy impact on me and I am still recovering from it.

Wow - that sounds pretty dooms day doesn't it? Sorry. I know you are capable of much greatness, so I don't think you will have the same bad time as I did.